It makes sense that moving to a new city will cost you something valuable – leaving behind the people you’ve known and loved your entire life perhaps. For me, it was the biggest sacrifice I’ve made. When I was going through the process of relocating, I remember thinking “Damn, I won’t be part of my younger brother and cousin’s daily lives anymore.” This thought still weighs on me. But this isn’t a story of regret and longing; it’s one filled with new-found respect for change.
Slowly Integrating
I’ll be honest: I started learning about Dutch culture even before moving here. But experiencing it firsthand has been a different story. I’ve come to realize that some of the perceptions about it, at least in my home country, are a bit off. Let’s have this in writing though: nothing I say should be generalized and I believe everyone should approach new experiences with an open mind.
Now, let’s talk about week two – raw and vulnerable. It’s been a week of tough conversations and many tears, all stemming from one major shift in my behavior: absolute honesty.
At first, I didn’t believe my colleagues when they were saying “Just be honest.”, I thought it was manipulative and would only get me into trouble. Guess what? “Honesty is the best policy” has never felt truer. The key, I’ve learned, isn’t just what you say but how you say it. And the way to master this is if you practice it. Let me share how this change has impacted my life in just one week.
The Past
Together with my girlfriend we moved to the Netherlands four months ago. Since then, she’s been struggling to find a job as a content writer. We expected it to be hard, but we had no clue how that would affect our relationship and more importantly, us as individuals. One night, guided by my new honesty policy, I confronted her on the topic. I was surprised to see how much impact this had on us, from her feeling like a burden, to me blaming her for not having the financial freedom I had envisioned.
We spent the entire night brainstorming possible solutions, all the time walking on a thin line of hurtful honesty. And then suddenly, after a whirlwind of emotions, tears and jump scares, the conclusion was: I’m a pathological liar.
The reason for our problem wasn’t the harsh reality of it, it was me not accepting it. Instead of sharing my fears and concerns, I always behaved like everything is in order or that this doesn’t affect me. It’s weird how this conscious bottling of emotions brought me to a point where I started blaming my girlfriend for our situation… You can tell that after this realization, we didn’t need any of our fancy drastic solutions we brainstormed, we just needed to be honest with each other.
Of course, it’s tempting to spiral in a hunt through childhood memories and pinpoint the exact time you made a note to lie to yourself that you’re strong and tough. But instead, I just decided, from now on I’m not that person and I will practice being kind and real, with myself and with others.
The Present
Funny how after that night I saw loads of opportunities to be honest. The most recent one being with my project manager. You might’ve guessed it, but I’m one of those people you read about when the title says, “Don’t be this person.” I’ve accepted way too much workload than humanly possible and never used a single sick day properly. If I’m not on my death bed, sick days are not an option.
Well, all this toxic behavior towards myself, led me to a life where I would blame everything on my job. I’d blame the managers, the processes, the company, capitalism… you name it. I even put a label on it: “9 to 5 just isn’t my thing.” This just had the absolute counter effect on my professional life and had me resenting work even more. And to be clear, in some cases yes, maybe the company standards are faulty, and 9 to 5 really isn’t your jam, it’s also bad to gaslight yourself. But, in my current situation, I genuinely have it good.
Realizing and communicating my needs and expectations got me in a position of actually enjoying going to work on-site and even planning on personalizing my desk. This led to opportunities to get to know my colleagues and even find a friend among them. Together we baked some lasagnas and tiramisu at my place, then brought it over for all our colleagues to enjoy. We even went volunteering for the weekend and I met the most open-hearted people there. All the time feeling like I finally found my place in Amsterdam.
The Future
It feels like I’ve unlocked a superpower that was right in front of me all along. I’m genuinely excited to see where the future takes me. I wake up with no regrets, ready to take on the day, and without the usual worries about social interactions. I’ve had more opportunities to volunteer and have been spending time with truly kind and genuine people.
I’ve even started writing letters to my brother and cousin, pouring my heart out with things I’ve always wanted to say but never did. It’s been so freeing.
Being true to myself and others has made such a difference, and I know it’s going to affect more than just upcoming Week 3 – it’s something that will shape my whole life. Why not give it a try?
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