Manipulation in meetings: How to protect yourself from cunning interlocutors

This has probably happened to you too! Even as you leave the meeting room in which you have just negotiated the milestones for the upcoming project, the realization sets in: “If only I hadn’t allowed myself to be so provoked by my colleague’s comments.” Or: “I shouldn’t have made the promises. Why did I give in so quickly when talking to the customer?” Or: “I should have resisted my boss’s emotional pressure and rejected the assignment. Why couldn’t I say no again?”

One reason we sometimes emerge from a conversation with results contrary to expectations is that we have been cleverly manipulated. The problem is not so much that the manipulation cannot be recognized. Most of the time we notice what is happening to us. The problem lies more in not knowing how best to react.

So how can you best protect yourself and avoid falling into the trap of a manipulator? The following conversation techniques can be helpful here:

1. Ignore and move on

They don’t even address the manipulative behavior (provocation, cynical remark, derogatory gesture), but simply continue the conversation on a factual level. Focus on your core interests. What is important to you and what is important to you?

Angela Merkel is a master of the method of ignoring and moving on. Anyone who would like to master this method can take the example of the former Chancellor.

2. Record with crack

Sometimes the manipulator tries to lead us on the wrong track, opens up side battles or cleverly diverts attention from the topic. The record with a crack helps us get back to the topic. You keep saying what you want, what matters, what you don’t want or even what you don’t want. For example: “Let me go back to the initial topic…..”

Important: do not offer a detailed explanation! Because every justification gives the manipulator new points of attack for a discussion.

3. The precision funnel

The clarification funnel is a questioning method. Specific questions are used to clarify the interlocutor’s statement. This technique is used as a protective method when the manipulator launches counterattacks, throws smokescreens and gets bogged down in details, is himself very emotional and excited, makes verbal attacks on the person or starts provocations.

4. Step out of the situation

This protection method is used when a truly massive fault has occurred. For example, when threats are made, pressure is built up, verbal attacks are launched or insinuations are made.

This conversation technique works in the following way: First, you interrupt the conversation. Then explain why they stopped the conversation by addressing what just happened. So you name the maneuver of the manipulator. The third step is to ask a question, make a suggestion, or make a request.

Since there is often a lack of referees to punish unfair behavior in sensitive conversations, you have to take on this part yourself. Recognizing the nastiest tricks and, in some cases, countering them is the best way to go.

The nastiest tricks of the manipulators

But what are the nastiest tricks a manipulator can use? It’s not easy to answer that, because everyone is wired differently and has their own sore points and behavior patterns that they particularly respond to. However, three types of manipulation have a particularly strong effect on people.

Emotional Call

Emotions play an important role in our lives. They drive our actions, influence our decisions and often underlie our opinions and judgments. The manipulator can take advantage of this fundamental role of feelings and emotions and pull out all the stops of our emotional repertoire, namely pride, shame, guilt, fear, envy, pity, solidarity.

How do you protect yourself from emotional appeals?

The best protection is to recognize what is going on. It is important to recognize that the manipulator is trying to influence people by triggering certain emotions. This knowledge is sufficient to build a bridge back to the factual level. Don’t fall into the emotional trap, but ignore the disruptive behavior or provocative statement and move on.

The reciprocity trap

One of the most important principles of human interaction is the principle of reciprocity. It can be clearly summarized in the motto: “As you are to me, so am I to you.”

When you receive a gift, you usually feel called upon to give something back. If you listen carefully to someone, they will be more willing to listen to you. However, this principle of reciprocity can be used manipulatively in a very simple way. In most cases it works like this: you give the other party a supposed gift that doesn’t cost you much and expect something substantial in return.

How do you protect yourself from the reciprocity trap?

The first step here is to identify the trap as such. The next step is to either not accept the offer or gift or, if you accept it completely contrary to your inner impulse, not to give anything really important in return.

Lie

The lie is the ultimate means of deception. It turns the truth into its opposite and creates an illusionary world for the manipulated person. This makes it a powerful tool to influence people. This is particularly fatal because it undermines trust, which is the basis for successful cooperation. Since lies always carry a certain risk of exposure, the skillful manipulator will mix the lie with half-truths. In an emergency, he always has the excuse of having been misunderstood as a retreat strategy.

How do you protect yourself from lies?

Two things are crucial: pay attention to contradictions in the manipulator’s statements. They can be an indication of a false statement. Or you compare the manipulator’s statements with the facts. If, firstly, they do not match the manipulator’s statements and, secondly, one has to assume that the manipulator knows the facts, one can cautiously conclude that he is probably lying. This is exactly what needs to be avoided.