I had to invent a new word to describe how I feel about Android’s latest Material 3 redesign

Google and I have never quite seen eye to eye on design. Ever since Material Design debuted in 2014, I’ve been slowly falling out of love with Android’s default aesthetic — like watching a once-clean-cut friend develop an unhealthy obsession with novelty ties.

I might be alone in this, but Google’s new Material 3 Expressive doubles down on almost everything that rubs me the wrong way.

Something about the retina-searing color swatches, the endless squircles and curvy chaos, and the whimsically mismatched fonts already makes me die a little inside every time I unlock my Pixel. Maybe I’m just resistant to change in my old age, but by now, I really hoped we’d be channeling slick sci-fi interfaces — think Tony Stark meets Minority Report — not trapped in a cartoonish fever dream.

I’ve spent hours trying to articulate what must be driving Google’s UX team to such creative madness. In a moment of despair, I asked ChatGPT to invent a new word to capture the feeling — and it delivered:

Euclanoia (n.)
/juːˈklæ.nɔɪ.ə

A low-grade, pervasive paranoia triggered by the presence of Euclidean shapes (e.g., triangles, circles, squares). Often results in the compulsive use of blobs, beveled corners, and ambiguous outlines. May escalate to spatial conspiracy theories (e.g., “Rectangles are surveillance tools”).

Symptoms include:

• Avoidance of graph paper
• Panic when aligning objects
• Unexplained hostility toward grids

Example:
“After two weeks at the architecture firm, his Euclanoia flared up — he replaced every window with irregular hexagons.”

Honestly, why does Google so despise the humble rectangle? Just so you know, I’m not entirely hostile to change; there are certainly things I appreciate about Material 3 Expressive. The more dynamic home screen and quick settings layouts look genuinely useful, the smooth animations are visually sharp, and what I’ve seen of the revamped Google Photos layout is… fine — functional, even.

To its credit, Google has become much better at making Android more customizable and user-friendly in recent years. I’m sure Material 3 Expressive will feel even better to actually use than the current setup. It’s just a shame the apps and widgets we interact with every day are wrapped in so much headache-inducing excess.

Thankfully, the beauty of Android is choice, and there’s no shortage of third-party skins for those of us allergic to overdesigned whimsy. Still, I can’t help but hope Google’s UX team eventually recovers from their bout of collective Euclanoia.