You can understand all your problems perfectly and still feel stuck.
Because change doesn’t happen when the brain “gets it.” It happens when the heart and the nervous system finally believe you’re safe.
You have three brains, and they all get a vote.
Why You Should Care
If you’re tired of knowing exactly what’s wrong with you but still repeating old behaviors…this is why.
What follows is what I wish someone told me decades ago.
1. You can fix the brain and still feel terrible
You’re smart. You already know that. You can explain your anxiety. You can explain your fear of rejection. You even know where your insecurities come from.
Hell, you might even write a book about it someday like I did. (Yes, it helped. No, it didn’t fix everything.)
Because this whole time, you’ve been treating your life like a thinking problem.
You tried to fix overthinking with more thinking. And that’s adorable. And also very ineffective.
The brain can learn. But the body feels. And the body doesn’t change just because the brain finally understands.
2. You don’t have one brain.. you have three
This is the part we never learned in school.
There’s the mind (the thoughts). n There’s the heart (the emotions). n And there’s the gut / nervous system (the survival instinct).
All three have a job:
- The brain makes meaning
- The heart feels the truth
- The nervous system decides what’s safe
You can rewrite the beliefs in your head. But if the nervous system still thinks the world is dangerous, it will override every plan and every “new identity” you try on.
The body is the final decision-maker.
Always.
3. Emotions aren’t dangerous. Resisting them is
You avoided emotions because they felt like they’d break you.
So did I.
You kept fear in your chest and called it “motivation.” You swallowed sadness and called it “strength.” You hid shame in your stomach and called it “self-awareness.”
Here’s a fun fact: The emotion itself isn’t painful. The contraction against it is.
Fear and excitement? Almost the same physical response.
One opens your life. n The other shrinks it.
The difference is whether you fight the feeling or allow it.
4. The body speaks a language you’ve been ignoring
Here’s a simple emotional map.
- A sensation appears (e.g., chest pressure).
- You have a choice: Pause and allow it or Fight and resist it.
- If you allow it, the sensation completes its cycle and passes. Your nervous system updates its story from ‘This is dangerous’ to ‘I survived this. I’m safe.’
- If you resist it, the story solidifies into ‘I’m in danger,’ and the feeling gets stuck.
The goal isn’t to get the translation 100% right. It’s to follow the path of allowance that leads to safety.
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So, how do you listen to these messages?
5. Let the body finish what the mind interrupted
This isn’t a hack or a trick. This is literally the moment where the war stops.
Next time a wave hits (fear, sadness, anger, whatever it is), instead of thinking “make it go away,” try this:
“Okay, come in.”
Feel the chest tighten. n Let the throat ache. n Let the stomach drop.
The feeling isn’t trying to hurt you. It’s trying to complete.
When it completes, the nervous system updates the story: “We survived. We’re safe now.”
That’s where real change starts, when your body believes you, not when you understand.
What This Has Given Me (quick proof, not the point)
Recently, I caught myself doing nothing, and feeling good. No anxiety, no hypervigilance..Just peace. Just pure bliss. I’ve literally never experienced this in my life.
I have not achieved calm. I simply stopped fighting myself.
My problems did not go away, I just accept and have love for them. In a strange way. There is not a single ounce of doubt in my being that is present at the moment.
That’s what I want for you too.
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Stop fighting what’s trying to heal you.
Benoit
