Thermostats aren’t phones. This is, I’m sure you’ll agree, the kind of hard-hitting, incisive tech commentary you’ve come to expect from my Stuff scribblings. Thermostats. Phones. Completely different things. “Yeah, cheers, Craig”, you might reply. And wonder if there’s a number you can call to have someone check I’m OK, in case the recent bout of hot weather in the UK has fried my brain. But I’m serious here, and it throws up an important question. If thermostats aren’t phones – and I think, so far, we’ve very much established that they are not – then why is Google treating them a bit like they are?
“Hang on”, you might at this point interject. “Have I missed something?” Is there now a pocket Google thermoPhone with a camera, apps, and a mic to grumble at when yet another scam call comes in, promising a tax refund, a non-existent job, or a payout for a car accident you definitely didn’t have? (Or maybe all three?) No. That would be silly. What I’m talking about here is support. Specifically, Google dropping support for Nest thermostats that are in perfectly good working order and then urging upgrades. Which makes them feel rather more like phones than the household appliances that they are.
Nest in peace?
It’s not all Nest thermostats, note. Not yet anyway. Just the oldest ones. In a community post and support doc, Google declared that first- and second-gen Nest smart thermostats will, on 25 October, become decidedly less smart. You’ll have to walk up to your unit and interact with it using your actual hands, like it’s the 1980s. Or, more accurately, like you’re using the old non-smart thermostats the Nest devices likely replaced. But it gets worse: the same document adds that “you may experience an unpredictable decline in performance if you attempt to use [the Nest device] continuously”.
This is just what you want to hear about an appliance you depend on: it suddenly not working in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed. Or, indeed, at all. Fortunately, Google has a cunning solution: buy a new one! Just like how you upgrade your phone! Except, again, it actually gets worse.
Google has decided that European heating systems are complicated, and it’d rather have nothing to do with them in the future, thanks. So to stave off a riot from veteran Nest users on both sides of the pond (who must now do something to keep themselves warm), Google’s offering discounts. Folks in the US get money off of newer Nest kit. In Europe, there is no viable newer option, and so folks there get 50% off a gadget from no-longer-rivals-apparently Tado. So, er, happy days for everyone?
Un-Nest-essary upgrades
Again: no, because – as I keep pointing out – thermostats aren’t phones. They are appliances. The assumption – the unspoken contract – is they will function for the lifetime of the hardware, not until a tech overlord abruptly pulls the plug, forcing you to cough up for the same functionality, even though your existing gear was humming along quite nicely before receiving a digital lobotomy.
So what’s the solution? We could rethink our headlong rush towards all things ‘smart’ and be smarter about the choices we make. Be strict about who gets our cash, prioritising companies that demonstrate a genuine commitment to properly long-term support. Resist any further shortening of purchase cycles for essential home appliances. Urge companies to think sustainably, rather than decide hardware that’s happily ticking along is little more than scrap.
Or we could just resign ourselves to the reality of the tech world in which we live. Recognise tech moves quickly. Accept you choose between smart gear or longevity, but that you don’t get both. Make peace with swapping out smart kit after a decade and change – or less. All while mentally writing up a new entry for Killed by Google that would simply read: ‘Any lingering hope smart tech might turn out to be different from everything else’.
