Conversation techniques: How to convince skeptics

The challenges in persuasive conversations increase particularly when the person we are talking to has already formed a firm opinion, represents his position with deep conviction or is even a supporter of a conspiracy theory. The first impulse in persuasion is usually to come up with unbeatable and valid arguments, with which we try to get the interlocutor on our side – so to speak through the power of the stronger argument. But the experiences are often sobering enough: argument meets “counter-argument” meets argument meets counter-argument in an endless loop of argumentative ping-pong.

Conversation: It depends on the questions

When it comes to persuasion, we are so stubbornly programmed to assert ourselves through arguments that we deliberately overlook an important strategy, namely the art of questioning. Smart questions in particular can help achieve persuasive goals.

1. Questions are used to really understand the other person’s position. Only if I understand why the person I am talking to is doubting and what is essentially at stake can I begin my arguments sensibly. To do this, it is important to find out what concerns he has, what values ​​he represents, what worldview he has and what emotions move him.

2. From a logical perspective, questions are a good way to test and question the validity of a position. Used wisely and in doses, they help to sow subtle doubts, expose gaps or contradictions and point out other alternative solutions. You can carefully open the dialogue partner to a different perspective on things.

3. Questions are an indispensable tool from a psychological point of view. Because they show the other person that we are seriously willing to listen carefully and follow them mentally. In this respect, questions signal respect and appreciation. And that usually sets in motion a mechanism of reciprocity: If I’m willing to listen to someone, then that person will be more willing to listen to me. According to the motto: as you are to me, so am I to you!

Conversation techniques: mistakes to avoid

But be careful! Although questions are an excellent and often underestimated tool in persuasive situations, there are a few things to keep in mind.

• No schoolmastery: Your questions should under no circumstances appear to be schoolmarmish or know-it-all. Therefore, you should not be suggestive or suggest certain answers because you would like to hear them. (“Surely you are also of the opinion that…..”)

• Don’t stage an interrogation: Your questions shouldn’t put the interviewer in a corner and they shouldn’t rain down on him like a barrage of fire. Sometimes you should stop asking questions and weave your own comments and perspectives into the conversation.

• Don’t make anyone look stupid: Your questions, even if critical, shouldn’t make anyone look stupid. Although one can probably doubt the French philosopher Descartes’ statement that common sense is the most evenly distributed thing in the world.

Anyone who takes these three aspects to heart and works intelligently with questions will win over even the biggest skeptics to their view of things. The following working aid on the most important question types will support you.

Persuasive conversations: Guide to asking questions

Which types of questions are particularly helpful in persuasive situations? Although any type of question can play a role in persuasive interviews, there are five types of questions that are particularly useful.

With Explanatory questions one tries to understand backgrounds, connections, motives and purposes. (“What connection do you see between the COVID-19 pandemic and the death of Elvis?”). Possible questions are:

• What exactly happened?

• How can this be explained?

• Why did it happen like this?

• How are A and B related?

• What explanation is there for this?

• What is the intention behind it?

• What is the purpose of this?

With Evidence questions one inquires about empirical evidence, evidence, justifications or the degree of certainty (“What makes you so sure that Elvis Presley is still alive?”). Possible questions are:

• How do you come up with that?

• What evidence is there for this?

• What makes you so sure?

• How can we be sure this is true?

• How do we know this?

• How can this be proven?

• What sources are you referring to?

With Questions of clarification one aims at concrete details, clarifications of terms, definitions (“What exactly are reptilian people?”). Possible questions are:

• What exactly can I understand by the term X?

• What do you mean by that? (What exactly are reptilian people?

• What does that mean specifically for you?

• What does that mean in detail?

• How can this be defined more precisely?

• How can you imagine this exactly?

With The perspective question one inquires about alternative hypotheses and explanations, about other perspectives, about the interests of the various stakeholders and possible consequences. They serve to test willingness for an alternative view and to stimulate different thoughts (“What else could be a reason for airplanes to have a contrail?”). Possible questions are:

• What other explanations have you thought of?

• How else could this be explained?

• What consequences arise from this?

• How do others around you see it?

• What does this mean for other people around you?

• How much did you engage with other perspectives?

• What do you have to complain about?

• What speaks against the other positions?

• What could speak for the other position that you do not represent?

With Consistency issues you identify inconsistencies, gaps or contradictions (“How do you explain why so many people believe that the earth is round, even though it is actually flat?”). Possible questions are:

• How exactly do A and B fit together?

• How do you explain the explanation gap?

• How do you explain the contradiction between A and B?

• Is it possible that A and B contradict each other?

• How can the contradiction between A and B be resolved?

8 mistakes in communication

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What you should definitely avoid in conversations and debates in order to avoid misinformation, conflicts and damage to your image.

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Throwing around technical jargon is the biggest mistake IT managers can make when talking to non-IT people. Many experts cannot correctly assess how deep their own specialist knowledge goes and where the other person’s specialist knowledge ends. This can quickly lead to misunderstandings and communication disruptions.

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Anyone who complains about technical problems in the data center or other company locations in a team or board meeting should not be surprised if these complaints cause irritation and uncertainty. In such cases, colleagues who are not familiar with the internals described often only understand “He has massive problems that he cannot get under control.” Of course, IT problems must also be discussed on a large scale, but better in a factual manner that everyone can understand and understand.

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Managers who previously had a business background and take on IT leadership positions address their new subordinates in a pompous tone, often seeming like salespeople presenting the latest collection of hot air.

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Good CIOs ask meaningful questions and listen to the answers. This often brings new aspects into the discussion. To do this, colleagues are involved and the relationship between manager and team is strengthened. Why do many IT managers act differently? They are afraid (usually unfounded) of being seen as ignorant and incompetent.

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Well-trained CIOs are confident in their own ideas about which technologies can best be implemented and how. However, many people forget that the entire IT department and the board may also have their own ideas. When CIOs push their own ideas without question, they annoy many colleagues – even if it was the best and right choice.

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When the board needs to be persuaded to increase the IT budget, make this or that acquisition or migration, some CIOs tend to exaggerate or simplify their arguments. When new servers need to be purchased, it sounds like this: “If we don’t have ten new servers in the closet by next week, the whole place will collapse!”

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Many CIOs emphasize the importance of corporate IT. However, board members often do not understand what IT specifically contributes to business success. That’s why IT managers should always go one step further in presentations and discussions than just arguing within their own boundaries.

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Too many slides, too many nonsense. Efficient presentations are characterized by the fact that they focus on the most important information that directly affects the listening audience. In the best case scenario, PowerPoint can be dispensed with entirely – good presentations are characterized by the fact that they stick in your memory on their own and not through an armada of bullet points.